Endings

A journey has come to an end. Old age and death have been weighing heavily on my mind as of late. The process of winding down in life has stoked a morbid curiosity. My first 35 years was her last 35 years. The overlap of these opposite spectrums of life carries with it the lingering melancholy of a cold sunset.

The interconnectedness of our individual lives are in stark contrast to the inherent and undeniable loneliness that we all feel on an existential level. Sometimes our paths are so intimately parallel that we believe that we are part of a greater whole. Yet there is both the physical and mental separation of each of our individual beings that keeps us ultimately apart.

We are like cars on a highway, perhaps traveling towards the same destination or coming from the same place. Yet we remain apart in our individual vehicles. Our entire life experience is parsed separately from every one else’s even if it is the same road or even the same make and model car. There is an unbridgeable gap. The pain of losing someone, the pain of never being able to make things right again. That pain resonates deep within me. The unwavering finality of things truly ending is a gut wrenching dose of sobriety.

I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.

Rest in peace Grandma.

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